dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
