I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
whose parrot is this?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
