We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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