walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just want nice things and good sex
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
