You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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