So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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