the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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