Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize