I want to walk on stilts...naked
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
