I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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