There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I believe in your delicious
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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