While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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