i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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