You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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