What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
