trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
