we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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