Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
