You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
