yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
