if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You need a sexual gate keeper
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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