your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize