my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
