guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
