Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
where am i from again
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
