This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
did you just send me my own nude
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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