lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I puked a lego.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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