So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just blew my weed a kiss
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
