What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
