kristin has been a bad kristin
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
