One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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