nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize