Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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