There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Im part way to drunk.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
