A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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