i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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