I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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