She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
