One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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