Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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