She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
