This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
