Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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