omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
