I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
