Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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