Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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