he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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