there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
