I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My cat gives me a boner
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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