NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
