I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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