I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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