could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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