That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I've blown a few things in my day
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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