i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
