I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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