Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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