Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
