after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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