I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
