i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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