He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
