party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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