suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
