Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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