I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
