i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
