WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
