i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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