Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
