Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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